In recent months, I’ve had a number of clients who are struggling
with their self-confidence. Some of these
clients have been in leadership roles for several years already, but after the
past three years they have lost their confidence in their abilities in both
their personal and professional lives.
A lot of what we knew is not as relevant as it used to be. In our professional lives, the way we work
has changed; how teams are managed have changed; and what team members value
from their leaders has changed too.
In our personal lives, the way we live in general has also changed. The normal day-to-day activities that we used
to do automatically are now at the mercy of the loadshedding schedule. Some of the things that we did automatically
before now feel more challenging.
When you lose your self- confidence, you no longer trust in your
abilities, qualities and judgement. While
previously you were able to make quick decisions and take action without doubting
yourself, when you’re no longer confident, you second guess your decisions
because you’re not sure of the outcome and you fear making the wrong decisions.
Even though the last few years have had an impact on our self-confidence, you can also lose confidence when :
· You no longer have certainty
· The way you’ve done things before no longer work
· You have been bullied or are demoralised
· You have gone through a life changing event such as loss, retrenchment or layoff
· You have a fear of being judged
· You constantly compare yourself to others
· You consistently engage in negative self-talk
You need to put in the work to regain your self-confidence. It’s important to get to the root of your
lack of confidence and then work through ways to overcome the things that are
holding you back. In coaching sessions,
we would look at the event or the experiences that caused you to lose your
confidence. We will look at your
beliefs, your values, your self-talk and work through removing the things that
aren’t helping you.
In the meantime, here are 3 techniques and actions that you
can use daily to start working on regaining your confidence.
Technique #1 : Think about things that give you confidence
1. Acknowledge the things that you’re good at. Try this – name 3 things you suck at. Now name 3 things that you’re good at. Do you notice how easy it was for you to list 3 things that you’re not good at? We are very quick to pay attention to our faults, and not very quick to acknowledge our strengths. It takes conscious thought to do this. Acknowledge the 3 things that you’re good at and when you’re not sure how to move forward, think about how you can draw on one of these strengths.
2. Remember a time when you were unsure of whether you would be able to do something – anything – running a race, completing a project, cooking a good meal, finishing that book or having a difficult conversation? Then you tried, and you succeeded. When you find your confidence waning, remind yourself :”I was able to do_____________ so I can do this!”
Technique #2 : Do more things that give you confidence
1. Acknowledge your wins. At the end of each week, write down all the things that you achieved – no matter how small. You made your bed on Tuesday morning? Add it to your wins. You made and took lunch to work instead of the buying lunch? Add it to your wins. You started that project you’ve been putting off for a while? Add it to your wins. Now you have a list of things that you’ve accomplished this week. This is a great way to build your self-confidence because you’re actively acknowledging and celebrating the things that you wouldn’t have given yourself credit for.
2. Even if you’re scared to do something, try it anyway. When you work through a challenge and succeed, you become more confident in your abilities. If you work through a challenge and don’t succeed the first time, learn from it and try again. This will increase your confidence to try again in other situations.
3. Understand what’s holding you back. Are you scared of failing or disappointing yourself or someone else? Take time to reflect on the beliefs that you have that are holding you back. Why are you afraid? Are your reasons for being afraid truly valid?
4. Find a cheerleader. Find that one person in your life who will support you and who will keep you accountable. If you don’t have someone like that in your life at the moment, consider hiring a coach. Your coach will support you and will help you work through the things that are holding you back – and they will definitely hold you accountable.
Technique #3: Avoid the things that drain your confidence
1. Stop comparing yourself to others. You are unique and your journey is different. By all means, look to others for advice and lessons, but don’t compare your timeline and journey to others. And, do not compare yourself to those on social media. Remember that what you see on social media is either just a snippet of success or it’s not real.
2. Stop the negative self-talk. As I’ve said before, it’s much easier to remember that things that we’re not good at and it’s also very easy to talk to ourselves in a negative way. If you wouldn’t say these things out loud to someone else, why is it ok to say these things to yourself? Be kinder to yourself and change the way you speak to and about yourself to allow yourself more empathy.
Having self-confidence is a skill that you can develop if
you make the conscious effort to work on it.
Try these techniques and share in the comments if they have made a
difference for you.
If you need help to regain your self-confidence, get in touch for a call to see how I can help
you.